Yesterday I was at the kitchen sink washing dishes, and listening to the local easy listening station (the only station my stereo gets clearly and I have to leave it on for the dog – don’t ask – so I’m stuck with it) and Bruno Mars came on. Again. Where did this guy COME from?? Anyways, it was You’re Amazing, which is a beautiful, if overplayed, song. And it got me thinking. What if we really were loved “just the way you are”? All of us. How would things be different?
To be clear, I am not talking about someone in an abusive or unhealthy relationship saying they should love their partner just the way they are, or convince themselves that they are amazing. Nor am I saying that every new guy/girl you meet should instantly be given this status. I’m talking about your normal relationship with someone whom you have decided to make a go of it with. The kind where your issues are more along the lines of:
If she’d only drop that baby weight
If he’d only get his ass off the couch
We never go out anymore
Why does he insist on wearing that stupid Hawaiian shirt?
She’s just so loud
I wish he’d try for that big promotion at work
I wish she liked to golf
Those things. The normal things. The stuff you either didn’t notice when you were first together, or that have come on since. The stuff you nag him/her about, under the guise of “encouragement”, and that every time you do, it makes him/her feel like less.
We all do it, and I was just thinking about how much better relationships would be if we just stopped. How liberating to have someone who always, no matter what, thought you were amazing “just the way you are”. I know for me it would inspire me to be the very best I could be. How empowering to have someone who was always on my side, who I never once, ever, had to worry about thinking “if only she…” What an impact both of you could have on the world’s you influence if you had the 100% backing of someone in your corner.
And I’m not talking about just trying to convince yourself that you feel this way about your partner, I’m talking about actually believing it. About looking at the guy on the couch in the Hawaiian shirt, watching hockey, and thinking that he is amazing. Maybe because he can just look at you a certain way and make you laugh. Maybe when you sit down beside him on the couch he moves so you fit just the right way into his shoulder, or makes the morning coffee a little stronger than he likes because you can’t stand it weak, or ungrudgingly (disgrudgingly?) switches channels to your show during commercials. Maybe she makes your favorite dinner when you’ve had a crappy day, or listens to you without interrupting when you need to bitch – again – about your boss, or always buys your deoderant cause you hate going to the pharmacy, or loves your overbearing mom, or always lets you drive. What if we could look at our love and only see those things? The great things. The amazing things. We all have them.
And no, we aren’t all amazing, just the way we are. As a matter of fact, I’d be willing to put money on the fact that all of us have some things we could be working on. But WE know them. We all do. And your guy/girl does too. They don’t need you to point out the flaws. They need you to think they are amazing. Always. Without fail. Just the way they are.
How powerful that would be.
(and sisters out there, you would need to step up to tell your bro to lose the Hawaiian shirt, cause c’mon, really??)